Lord knows why I go through this cycle of being fine and content for months before getting restless and feeling the need to blow up my life in a big way. Best friend says I'm not self destructive so to speak, just....restless. I am constantly feeling the need for more, more, more and change and "what's next?!"
Why can't I just sit the heck down and be happy in my current surroundings? I think a big part of it is the fact that my life blew up at 11 and ever since then it's been a whirlwind of change, taking care of myself and worrying about others (my family mostly). I've always felt that I had to be the glue that held everything together, the "easy" child, and the one who got away from the train wreck unscathed.
Now that my life IS good and easy and happy...I just...don't know what to do with myself. Everything turned out okay. Brothers and mama are happy and settled. I found someone who not only tolerates my crazy, but loves and nurtures me in the middle of all of it. My family and friends are blooming in amazing ways and I haven't felt this happy in a long freaking time. But, (always a but) the need for something else still lingers.
So, on weeks like these, where my husband is away and I am left to my own devices, I think and I reflect and I think some more.
The above picture is the face of someone who is exhausted but content. I have been planning my future sister-in-law's bridal shower and bachelorette party with a one month lead time and although it's been hectic, I have been thriving on it. I love, love, love to plan parties. From the food to the decorations to the music and the day of bustling around, it's when I'm most in my element. So, after some long and hard thinking and some strong encouragement from friends, I'm doing something for myself. I'm fulfilling that need for more and finally taking the leap of faith that I've been sitting on for a long time. I'm starting my own business. I've had the website made for a while and last night I made it public. Business cards are ordered. Vendors are being contacted. And I feel like I might barf (kidding ;-)) I feel like I need to make some sort of disclaimer that I am completely, 100% equally terrified and excited at the prospect of this either dissipating into "that one time I thought I could be an event planner" or "holy shit, that took off". Only time will tell. Either way, I can't NOT do this for myself. SPREAD THE WORD!
Oh, and website here!